nothing is helping

Read more Lovecraft. Alien geometries and incomprehensible cities eerily remind me of what I saw through that door. I hope Lovecraft wasn't actually on to anything. That would make things worse.

I saw the shadows again today. Don't know if that's a good thing. If I'm hallucinating, this terrifies me and means I probably committed the murder. If they are real, then either they committed the murder or manipulated me into doing so.

None of these scenarios is soothing to my psyche.

Earlier I took a nap and had a terrible dream.

In this dream, or rather, nightmare, horrible things happened. It was night. In a forest. Someone was running. From what, I didn't know. Then over the hill came a black smoky...thing. But as it came nearer, it was clear that it was a large dog. With red, glowing eyes.

It was chasing the woman, who was exhausted. She turned around, and was holding a sharp branch she must have found lying in the underbrush. As the canine from hell approached, she jabbed the thing as far as she could into its left eye.

After she got up and continued running, I saw it turn its gaze to me. Blood pouring like a faucet from the wound, it took a few steps toward me. When it got near enough, it raised a paw and moved it toward my face; I was frozen with fear.

Then to my utter shock and horror, it began...absorbing my left eye into its paw. I screamed at the unbearable pain. Moments later, I watched, still shaking and screaming, as the branch was pushed from the eye socket and a new eye appeared--my eye.

Blood soaked my face and I began to fall into a catatonic state.

That's when the scene changed. We were in a house, that infernal dog and me. Its eyes looked normal again (well, as normal as glowing red eyes can be), and my pain was gone. I reached up to feel, and my hand came away clean; my eye was back in place!

My joy was not to last, however.

I heard a buzzing motor, and I saw someone wielding a chainsaw. He came at the dog, who was undeterred. It didn't even blink. Then it leapt at the man. The whirring blade sliced through the dog's back right leg like it was butter. It flopped to the ground, unbalanced.

The man made several other cuts to the beast, then got out of there quick as he could. The thing lunged at me again, this time pressing its stump against my left arm.

It took my arm. It was there, where the back leg should have been. A left arm for a back right leg. A human arm on a dog. It used its replacement limb and dashed after the man. Last I saw of it, all its cuts had healed.

I just sat there, bleeding and in pain.

Awhile later, I heard some noises and I was no longer alone.

It was the dog. It came at me, looking rabid, its red eyes staring into my soul. It rushed forward, growling, teeth ready to take a big bite. Before it reached me, however, everything went black.

I woke up on the couch, in intense pain. I was soaked--in sweat and blood. My left eye and left arm were missing, I was bleeding everywhere, visions of that creature kept flashing in my mind. I screamed like I have never screamed in my life.

Then finally, mercifully, I awoke for real.

This dream does not help me feel better either.

I am completely nuts. And I'm dangerous. I should probably check into a mental hospital.

Some Easter this has turned out to be.

What now!?

Today nothing of note happened.

Except, I think I saw a man standing in my front yard, wearing a bird mask and a black overcoat.

After that I felt I had to wash my hands. More thoroughly than usual. More times than usual. I kept scrubbing and scrubbing for nearly an hour, harder, harder, harder!

My hands bled until they were completely covered and I started crying. It felt like I would never succeed in cleaning my hands.

Eventually I could take it no longer and fell to the floor, curled up in a ball.

I woke up a few minutes ago and bandaged my fingers and decided to write this down.

I think I'm starting to hallucinate again.

So numb

I haven't gone to work at all this week. I've been depressed and scared.

I still haven't seen or heard from the shadows since it happened. There have been no more doors.

This makes me think it might have all been in my head. Did I do it? Was I hallucinating everything? Did I do everything I thought the shadows were doing? Was it all nothing?

At least I can plea insanity when they come for me.

I...don't know what to say

My sister's dead.

She had her throat slashed in her kitchen.

With a box cutter.

I'm trembling right now.

Did I unknowingly carry out one of my worst fears?

I haven't seen the shadows today, and my intrusive thoughts have been mostly at ease all day.

I'm numb.

The Shadow People are Angrier than Usual

I saw a door again today. Two, actually.

At work I saw one standing near the back of the children's section. I hope none of the little ones went through. No one else seemed to notice it.

Then, this afternoon, after I got home, I was heading to the shower when I noticed that the bathroom door didn't look right.

I saw dark patches on the walls fleeing away from it again and realized it looked like the door from work, and the one that appeared in my living room.

The screaming in my head became painful once again, but I wanted to know what was going on, so I forced myself through the agony. I nearly died, or at least it felt like it. My head is still throbbing.

I grabbed the doorknob and turned. Inside, I saw a large city. But there were no people. There were no sounds of daily life. As I watched, it just felt...wrong.

I felt myself drawn to it; I knew I had to keep away, that these doors were something terrible. But I moved toward the doorway anyway.

I almost stepped through.

Next thing I knew I was waking up in my bed. I must have blacked out. Did the shadows take me to bed?

They are so upset with me now. All I hear is constant yelling in my head. I want it to stop, I just want it to go away. But it won't. I keep hearing the sounds of things breaking all through the house.

I think they might go through with one of their threats this time.

Ontological

I found something interesting. Or rather, it found me.

It's a blog called Ontological. For some reason it was set as my home page. More shadow shenanigans, I suspect. According to this blog, someone is inside a house with no doors or windows, and there seems to be strange activity. I'm not finished going through it yet, but what I've found is very intriguing.

The author found another blog about a mysterious door appearing (sound familiar?) and people going through, only to be lost forever. He concludes he's in the doorless house so that he will know when one of these doors appears. There's also something about a city.

He also mentions seeing shadows moving on his walls.

Could it be I'm not alone? I'm not mad?

Do I have Everything Wrong?

I just realized that today is March 25.

25.

THEY ARE COMING posted at 2:05 AM
THEY ARE COMING posted at 2:05 AM (25th post) "They are coming / when opportunity knocks / don't answer / they are coming"

The door appeared around 1:25.

Could it be that the shadows were trying to warn me about that door? Does "they" mean more doors are going to appear?

Are the shadows, dare I say it, benevolent? If so, they have a strange way of going about it.

Oh, God. What have I gotten myself into? No, what have THEY gotten me into?