Got everything fixed, so I can update from home again.
My precious child and me ate popcorn and watched a movie on television. In fact, it was The Exorcist. She didn't like it. Said it should've been scarier.
Anyway, I promised to take her out to get ice cream tomorrow.
Who knew being a father was so much fun? (Though it'd be easier if I wasn't afraid I might just up and choke her at any given moment.)
She's started wanting me to put her hair into braids. How cute. (But what if I yank her hair hard enough to rip it out and she bleeds?)
I've already tucked her in and read her a bedtime story--Rumplestiltskin. Only, in this version, Rumplestiltskin succeeds in taking the baby. She insisted on that ending. Oh, he also eats the baby at the end. She thought that was the funniest thing. :)
Me going along with that so easily was...disheartening.
I wish I wasn't so worried all the time. Poor thing needs a father who isn't distracted by irrational fears.
Monday, April 30, 2012
I'm ready to kill
That little witch cut my phone line and smashed my cell phone! I'm having to access the Internet from the library.
How am going to make an appointment now?
Then again, if this is from a supernatural entity like the Plague Doctor, perhaps no one can help.
My throat is sore and I've been itching all over. My insides are roiling and I want to die!
More than just from this sickness. Even when my head is clear and I'm fully aware of what she is, my intrusive thoughts have been acting up, and I've been sweating a lot out of terror. I'm on the verge of tears.
How am going to make an appointment now?
Then again, if this is from a supernatural entity like the Plague Doctor, perhaps no one can help.
My throat is sore and I've been itching all over. My insides are roiling and I want to die!
More than just from this sickness. Even when my head is clear and I'm fully aware of what she is, my intrusive thoughts have been acting up, and I've been sweating a lot out of terror. I'm on the verge of tears.
A brighter day
I'm feeling better today.
I'm not sure if it was a dream, but last night I thought I woke up and saw shadows moving on the walls. The Dog barked for awhile and I think that scared them away.
Thinking back to my time at Shady Lawn has got me worrying that they might have injected me with something without my knowledge.
I think I should see a doctor. I'll be more careful this time, though.
I'm not sure if it was a dream, but last night I thought I woke up and saw shadows moving on the walls. The Dog barked for awhile and I think that scared them away.
Thinking back to my time at Shady Lawn has got me worrying that they might have injected me with something without my knowledge.
I think I should see a doctor. I'll be more careful this time, though.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Ugh
I ahve started coughing up blood. I think I'm sick with something. I feel terrible.
The Child acted all sweet and innocent all day. I hate her.
This is a short post because I;m going to lie down now,
The Child acted all sweet and innocent all day. I hate her.
This is a short post because I;m going to lie down now,
Saturday, April 28, 2012
What She Wants
So me and the Child went to an amusement park today called Funfunfun! (Yeah, lame, I know.)
We were having the time of our lives until I hit my head during one of those rides where you spin around really fast. I felt like I was going to lose my lunch. Anyway, that bump brought me out of my stupor.
My head clear, I demanded the Child explain to me what she wanted.
"Well, Mr. Wells (or should I say Niven?), I was intrigued by you. You know why?"
I didn't answer.
"Here's why: we're the same, you and me. I'm without a name; you're without a name, in a way. I become the focus of people's lives to the point where all they have is me; you were all your parents had. I betray them and leave, breaking their hearts, and they lose the will to live without me. They lose their purpose in life. You betrayed your parents, too, by abandoning them.
"Basically, you're my little experiment: I want to know what happens to someone when I do to them the same thing that they did to others. WHat happens when I target someone like me? It will be fun. It will be fascinating."
"Not sure how that will work out," I said. "I've been having intrusive thought problems again. Assuming you've read my blog you're well aware. What if I just up and decided to hurt you on purpose, while I'm still lucid? Not accidental thoughts, but intentional ones. No anxiety. What if I pull you out of the restraints and hurl you off this thing? What if I smashed your head into the side? I could, you know. I'm willing to go to a mental institution if it means the end of you, so long as that maniac Beakman doesn't work there," I said bitterly. Then added, "I've decided that my purpose in life is to destroy you, and the others like you. You won't take that from me. I won't let you."
She laughed. Not like a child laughs, but like an old woman, but still with a child's voice.
"Good luck with that. You will have succumbed to me soon enough."
Finally the ride stopped and we got off.
"I'm going home," I said.
Not surprisingly, she followed me.
Some kids we passed as we exited the park pointed and made jokes about how hideous the Child was. They stopped when they saw my look of anger, though it was not aimed at them. I made a sign to encourage them to continue.
This brat needs as many people as possible against her. She's an infernal, impish trap.
She's still here with me now. I wish she would leave me alone.
We were having the time of our lives until I hit my head during one of those rides where you spin around really fast. I felt like I was going to lose my lunch. Anyway, that bump brought me out of my stupor.
My head clear, I demanded the Child explain to me what she wanted.
"Well, Mr. Wells (or should I say Niven?), I was intrigued by you. You know why?"
I didn't answer.
"Here's why: we're the same, you and me. I'm without a name; you're without a name, in a way. I become the focus of people's lives to the point where all they have is me; you were all your parents had. I betray them and leave, breaking their hearts, and they lose the will to live without me. They lose their purpose in life. You betrayed your parents, too, by abandoning them.
"Basically, you're my little experiment: I want to know what happens to someone when I do to them the same thing that they did to others. WHat happens when I target someone like me? It will be fun. It will be fascinating."
"Not sure how that will work out," I said. "I've been having intrusive thought problems again. Assuming you've read my blog you're well aware. What if I just up and decided to hurt you on purpose, while I'm still lucid? Not accidental thoughts, but intentional ones. No anxiety. What if I pull you out of the restraints and hurl you off this thing? What if I smashed your head into the side? I could, you know. I'm willing to go to a mental institution if it means the end of you, so long as that maniac Beakman doesn't work there," I said bitterly. Then added, "I've decided that my purpose in life is to destroy you, and the others like you. You won't take that from me. I won't let you."
She laughed. Not like a child laughs, but like an old woman, but still with a child's voice.
"Good luck with that. You will have succumbed to me soon enough."
Finally the ride stopped and we got off.
"I'm going home," I said.
Not surprisingly, she followed me.
Some kids we passed as we exited the park pointed and made jokes about how hideous the Child was. They stopped when they saw my look of anger, though it was not aimed at them. I made a sign to encourage them to continue.
This brat needs as many people as possible against her. She's an infernal, impish trap.
She's still here with me now. I wish she would leave me alone.
A Fun Day
Today I awoke with that lovely child's dog at the foot of my bed. He enjoyed a tummy rub.
His eyes looked red for a second, though. I don't know if something's wrong with him, but it looked kinda cool, I guess.
Anyway, I woke up my little precious daughter and told her I would take her to an amusement park today. She was so excited! Her eyes lit up like a match!
So today should be a really fun day for the both of us! (As long as the thoughts aren't too bad. I already thought of smothering her with a pillow instead of waking her up. I know I would never do that, especially to a child. Damn OCD!)
Stay tuned for updates!
His eyes looked red for a second, though. I don't know if something's wrong with him, but it looked kinda cool, I guess.
Anyway, I woke up my little precious daughter and told her I would take her to an amusement park today. She was so excited! Her eyes lit up like a match!
So today should be a really fun day for the both of us! (As long as the thoughts aren't too bad. I already thought of smothering her with a pillow instead of waking her up. I know I would never do that, especially to a child. Damn OCD!)
Stay tuned for updates!
Friday, April 27, 2012
The Voice Returns
I tried to watch some TV today. That blasted Child just sat in the corner staring at me all day, smirking. She's even watching me now as I write this.
Today I saw her as being the ugly beast she is, but what of tomorrow?
The Voice spoke to me again.
It told me that I needed to have a set purpose, and to concentrate on that. That is apparently what she takes away, your sense of purpose. After, of course, destroying your life. With everything else gone, all you have is her.
As long as I hold onto my sense of purpose, I can remain strong against her. In fact, those were the final words of the Voice to me: "Stay strong."
Purpose. What purpose? What can be the purpose that I strive for and hold onto steadfastly against this demon?
I've got it: my purpose can be to destroy these things. (Even though they're already supposed to not exist.) I just have to figure out how.
I will stay strong. I will dusrtiurshiugohsiwj;elmfbjvgjzrhsd*gfhkrzjsdghhsghfjdk,jhfkwrkjthfkdjfghhi
erdysgfirhgy4lrflweiflrvblriblrblrevlirlksdnlseagd38yurthero87nsidjiufghs;eohvbldrihfwrtygh;onclkfg
vm efhhrf efh iryg hihrighiuergisufhoiuer89utp947ty735)))))))))))))))))))0
Today I saw her as being the ugly beast she is, but what of tomorrow?
The Voice spoke to me again.
It told me that I needed to have a set purpose, and to concentrate on that. That is apparently what she takes away, your sense of purpose. After, of course, destroying your life. With everything else gone, all you have is her.
As long as I hold onto my sense of purpose, I can remain strong against her. In fact, those were the final words of the Voice to me: "Stay strong."
Purpose. What purpose? What can be the purpose that I strive for and hold onto steadfastly against this demon?
I've got it: my purpose can be to destroy these things. (Even though they're already supposed to not exist.) I just have to figure out how.
I will stay strong. I will dusrtiurshiugohsiwj;elmfbjvgjzrhsd*gfhkrzjsdghhsghfjdk,jhfkwrkjthfkdjfghhi
erdysgfirhgy4lrflweiflrvblriblrblrevlirlksdnlseagd38yurthero87nsidjiufghs;eohvbldrihfwrtygh;onclkfg
vm efhhrf efh iryg hihrighiuergisufhoiuer89utp947ty735)))))))))))))))))))0
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