I mean, it was one thing when they whispered in my head, telling me things that weren't true, and me, knowing this, listening anyway, against my will. I could cope. I could try to ignore them, or let the fear do its work and leave. But now, they are starting to PHYSICALLY MOVE OBJECTS.
I mentioned my books before. How they were arranged differently. And how the H.P. Lovecraft book was on top of a stack.
I now think I was meant to notice the Lovecraft volume.
This morning, when I got out of bed, IT WAS NEXT TO MY LAPTOP ON MY DESK.
Last night, it was in the living room. It certainly didn't move itself.
I think the shadows might want me to read it. I don't know why.
Then there's the fact that there's a strange post from the middle of the night that I didn't write. "They are coming." Wonder what it could mean? Did the shadow people do it? Did somone hack the account? I am so confused.
Oh, there's something else, too. I forgot to mention it yesterday. I got a comment from someone named DJay32 on the post "An Explanation". He worked out the secret message (I suppose it was kind of obvious...) and posted the result. I really hope he doesn't do that for certain other posts. The shadows might learn of things they will not like. Then again, I do view every comment before it is posted, so I could stop any incriminating comments there and save myself the trouble. I only published this comment because the shadows already found out.
Anyway, I called in sick today. I will read some Lovecraft. Hopefully some sense will come of this.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Fruits of my Labor
Well, I've been doing some research on my predicament, and have discovered a phenomenon known as "Shadow People". Apparently people sometimes think they see shadows moving of their own accord out of the corner of their eye. So it may be that many people, maybe even all of us, are surrounded by these things. All the time.
What do they want from me!?!?!?!?
If they let everyone else be, why have they singled ME out!?
I just want to go about my life.
What do they want from me!?!?!?!?
If they let everyone else be, why have they singled ME out!?
I just want to go about my life.
Oh no
I think the shadows might be agitated. My books...are different. You see, my sister moved into a new apartment recently, and took my bookcase, which was actually hers anyway. Well, without a place to put my books, I've stacked them in various places around my house.
Just now, coming home from work, I noticed that they were in a different arrangement. It's not like I memorized where all the books are, but I do know that my complete volume of H.P. Lovecraft's fiction was on the bottom of one stack, but now it's on top of another. The heights of some of the stacks also seem changed, as though the books have been moved around.
I don't know what they want me for, but I wish they would leave me alone. I feel like I'm going insane.
Just now, coming home from work, I noticed that they were in a different arrangement. It's not like I memorized where all the books are, but I do know that my complete volume of H.P. Lovecraft's fiction was on the bottom of one stack, but now it's on top of another. The heights of some of the stacks also seem changed, as though the books have been moved around.
I don't know what they want me for, but I wish they would leave me alone. I feel like I'm going insane.
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I've decided to do some research to try and figure out what's going on. I'll get back to you if I find anything interesting.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
An Explanation
I've finally decided to explain myself. Even though no one reads this and no one would believe it anyway. But I need to tell someone.
I have always had OCD for as long as I can remember. I always had anxiety with all sorts of things. A need to be perfect in schoolwork, worrying about saying the wrong things, the feeling that I absolutely had to remember everything important. It was hard. Over time, I also developed certain rituals. One of the most common in OCD sufferers is frequent handwashing.
In the last few years, it's been getting worse. I'm worried more and more about germs...
But that is nothing compared to the thoughts. The intrusive thoughts, as they are known, are thoughts of terrible things that stem from OCD. These obsessions don't have a compulsion to go with them. That is, there is nothing I can do to relieve the anxiety stemming from them.
They are unbearable.
They can be of many different things in many people. In me, I'm afraid of intentionally hurting those I love. I know there's no way I would ever do this, but whenever there's a trigger (there are oh so many triggers) it's like a voice is telling me that this will happen, that it's inevitable. That when I'm near them, I will do it.
I know it's nonsense; OCD sufferers generally are aware of how irrational these thoughts are. But they won't stop.
As I said, it's been getting worse. It seems almost anything can get me worrying these days. When I'm anxious enough, I sweat a lot. Given my thoughts, it seems good that I live alone.
I have, in the last few months, discovered the cause of all this. Don't laugh.
It's the shadows. I know, because they told me.
One evening I was reading a book (Frank Herbert's Dune, to be exact, to compare with Star Wars) and motion caught my eye. I looked up but didn't see anything. I thoght I'd imagined it.
When I went into the bathroom, in the dim light I saw my shadow apparently moving independently of me. This, of course, disturbed me. I told myself it was a trick of the light.
That's when two very visible eyes appeared, like points of light. I knew then that I was hallucinating, even though my family had nothing of the sort in its history, nor had I ever taken any illegal substances.
When I was washing my hands, this time, among the urges to wash multiple times and to be extremely thorough, I sensed something else--something new.
"You have seen us," a voice said in the back of my head. "Because we have willed it."
I froze, certain I was losing my grip on reality.
"You are perfectly sane. But you might not be for long."
I heard...I want to say a laugh, but not quite (being inaudible for one thing) and far more terrifying.
"All your life you have tended toward circumstances conducive to us. Now that we have found you, we are using this condition to mold you into the role we desire."
I fled back to my bedroom.
"You cannot escape us. In the light, we are visible, and always present. In the darkness, that is our delight."
I turned on all the lights in the house.
"This is futile," said the voice. "You seeing us will not stop us. Even when you don't notice us, we will be whispering in the dark. Whispering in the deep crevices of your mind. Shaping you against your will. If you attempt to disobey us, we will be forced to...put you in order."
I'm not sure why, but that last phrase is the worst thing ever said to me.
I have since resigned myself to them. They are actually quite amiable when you behave.
I must go now. I may continue this blog in the future, but I have things to do.
I have always had OCD for as long as I can remember. I always had anxiety with all sorts of things. A need to be perfect in schoolwork, worrying about saying the wrong things, the feeling that I absolutely had to remember everything important. It was hard. Over time, I also developed certain rituals. One of the most common in OCD sufferers is frequent handwashing.
In the last few years, it's been getting worse. I'm worried more and more about germs...
But that is nothing compared to the thoughts. The intrusive thoughts, as they are known, are thoughts of terrible things that stem from OCD. These obsessions don't have a compulsion to go with them. That is, there is nothing I can do to relieve the anxiety stemming from them.
They are unbearable.
They can be of many different things in many people. In me, I'm afraid of intentionally hurting those I love. I know there's no way I would ever do this, but whenever there's a trigger (there are oh so many triggers) it's like a voice is telling me that this will happen, that it's inevitable. That when I'm near them, I will do it.
I know it's nonsense; OCD sufferers generally are aware of how irrational these thoughts are. But they won't stop.
As I said, it's been getting worse. It seems almost anything can get me worrying these days. When I'm anxious enough, I sweat a lot. Given my thoughts, it seems good that I live alone.
I have, in the last few months, discovered the cause of all this. Don't laugh.
It's the shadows. I know, because they told me.
One evening I was reading a book (Frank Herbert's Dune, to be exact, to compare with Star Wars) and motion caught my eye. I looked up but didn't see anything. I thoght I'd imagined it.
When I went into the bathroom, in the dim light I saw my shadow apparently moving independently of me. This, of course, disturbed me. I told myself it was a trick of the light.
That's when two very visible eyes appeared, like points of light. I knew then that I was hallucinating, even though my family had nothing of the sort in its history, nor had I ever taken any illegal substances.
When I was washing my hands, this time, among the urges to wash multiple times and to be extremely thorough, I sensed something else--something new.
"You have seen us," a voice said in the back of my head. "Because we have willed it."
I froze, certain I was losing my grip on reality.
"You are perfectly sane. But you might not be for long."
I heard...I want to say a laugh, but not quite (being inaudible for one thing) and far more terrifying.
"All your life you have tended toward circumstances conducive to us. Now that we have found you, we are using this condition to mold you into the role we desire."
I fled back to my bedroom.
"You cannot escape us. In the light, we are visible, and always present. In the darkness, that is our delight."
I turned on all the lights in the house.
"This is futile," said the voice. "You seeing us will not stop us. Even when you don't notice us, we will be whispering in the dark. Whispering in the deep crevices of your mind. Shaping you against your will. If you attempt to disobey us, we will be forced to...put you in order."
I'm not sure why, but that last phrase is the worst thing ever said to me.
I have since resigned myself to them. They are actually quite amiable when you behave.
I must go now. I may continue this blog in the future, but I have things to do.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Gone for a couple months
I'm sorry that I've been gone for a couple months now, in case anyone reads this.
Things...have happened. My heart's just not in it anymore.
I suppose I should explain a few things that I left hanging. My Ray Bradbury reviews were going to culminate in all or almost all of his stories in the same fictional universe. My Star Wars reviews were going to culminate in a theory about Yoda being behind everything, on account of him being at the start of the succession of questionable Jedi training. My joke about the Doctor's true name was that it was Francis.
That's it for now, I guess. The shadows....
I'll explain that another time, when I'm ready.
Things...have happened. My heart's just not in it anymore.
I suppose I should explain a few things that I left hanging. My Ray Bradbury reviews were going to culminate in all or almost all of his stories in the same fictional universe. My Star Wars reviews were going to culminate in a theory about Yoda being behind everything, on account of him being at the start of the succession of questionable Jedi training. My joke about the Doctor's true name was that it was Francis.
That's it for now, I guess. The shadows....
I'll explain that another time, when I'm ready.
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