Doctor Who Timeline

Who cares about the Star Wars prequels?
No one? Good.
Anyway, here's an interesting Doctor Who Timeline I came across (and decided to share with you):

Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones

                On to Episode II. Should I really be linking to the Amazon page here? Does it offend anybody? Just curious.

                So the title crawl says that thousands of systems are leaving the Republic. Why? What do they want? What is their reason for leaving? Anyway, the Senate must vote on the critical issue of creating an ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC. Yeah, it’s capitalized just like that for some reason. Nothing else in the text is emphasized in that way. In fact, none of the other crawls in the other films does that except A New Hope (DEATH STAR) and ROTJ (GALACTIC EMPIRE). Those are two-word names for important pieces of the story while this is four words (including two unimportant ones). If George had simply done a rewrite to be more consistent and not, well, weird, it could have read REPUBLIC ARMY. Leaving it the way it is just seems bizarre and out of place.

                Amidala is on her way back to the Senate to vote on the ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC. We open on another boring shot of ships lazily drifting toward their destinations. The sky is very foggy, oddly enough. You’d think if they can literally turn a whole planet into a giant city, they’d also be able to control the weather. We’ve seen extremely advanced technology, but they don’t seem to be able to do this one simple thing. How many accidents are there on such foggy days?

Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace

                And so it begins.

   >Deep Breath<

   *Siiiiiiiiiiiggggghhh*

                So, the title crawl:

   War! Oh, sorry. Wrong one.

                Okay, okay. I’ll stop procrastinating, but can you really blame me? You can? Well, I don’t care what you think.

                According to the title crawl, there is trouble in the Republic on account of taxation of trade routes. People apparently hate it. So, the Trade Federation acts calmly and rationally about it and—blockades the planet of Naboo with deadly battleships!?

 

                Well, the Federation IS run by aliens; I’m sure the humans will act much more reasonably.

Star Wars: Introduction

               I hereby start my long review saga. It will cover all six Star Wars films. Why include the original trilogy? Because, for one thing, no movie is perfect, and also for completion’s sake. And to complain just like everyone else about the CGI additions.

                I wish George Lucas were CGI.

Star Wars Project Update

Although clearly no one is reading this blog yet, or even cares to comment if they do happen to run across it, I will explain why the Star Wars Project, which I've randomly decided to call it just now and only for this post, never to be mentioned as such again, has not yet begun.

Quite simply, I don't have Episodes I or II. Since I intend to do this in internal chronological order of the films, I have to wait until I get a chance to go to the library or Blockbuster (so what if I'm behind the times--deal with it!).

In the meantime, I have been, in my spare time (I go to college, too: yes, a fictional cosmic being with the power to repair whole multiverses of timelines is going to school--meta humor and all that), reading Blogger Beware.

As if you didn't already know, Blogger Beware is a blog reflecting on the popular Goosebumps children's horror books of the 90s. Now, I never read them as a child (obligatory TV Tropes reference) but am finding them amusingly stupid. As the author of the blog said in his Let's Get Invisible post, R.L. Stine seems to be the Tommy Wiseau of children's literature.

And we all know how hilariously amusing he is...

Anyway, HORROR!!!!! Yay!!!

A Change in Format

Starting with the upcoming Star Wars reviews, I will be changing how I review material. Up till now I've been giving basic, traditional reviews about what was good or bad about the work. But in order to establish certain elements that will factor into my theory about the continuity inconsistencies and the unexplained bits of the prequels, I will be moving to the recap format, popular among many video reviewers, as well as text-based ones.

Now I will be going through a run-down of plot and characters and continuity as I summarize each film or book or whatever. That way, it will give readers who aren't familiar with the works more context for my continuity entries, and it will remind those who are of certain elements important to my theories.

That is all for now.

From the Dust Returned External Continuity

*SPOILERS*

There is so much to talk about.

To start with, A Thousand Times Great Grandmère is often called the Dust Witch. Maybe Timothy should think twice about listening to her...

Okay, maybe it's not a big deal. Obviously she's not Madamoiselle Tarot or the time travelling tattoo artist. Moving on...

In "Make Haste to Live" the character of Angelina Marguerite is a Time Lady. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. The evidence is that she is unfathomably old, she gets younger-looking all the time, and at one point is called a "daughter of time".

From the Dust Returned Internal Continuity (SPOILERS)

Surprisingly, especially for a book that was worked on over 55 years, this book has issues within itself, which must be dealt with before figuring out how exactly it fits with the others.

Fortunately, there are only a few things, so it won't be a long post.

The first couple have to do with  the character of Cecy, who can move her mind out and enter other beings or even inanimate objects to see what it's like to be them.

First of all, in the chapter entitled "Homecoming", at one point Cecy dreamily tells her brother Timothy that she's in the mind of a lonely woman in California. Moments later, the woman walks into the mud pots near her house, allowing herself to be engulfed by the mud and the sulfurous fumes. When this happens, Cecy quickly moves into the mind of a bird and flies off. Just seconds later, there is a smack as a bird hits the attic window and Cecy announces that her mind has fully returned to the House.

From the Dust Returned Review

If you're getting tired of me solely reviewing Ray Bradbury books, don't panic. I'm doing something different this month. Unfortunately for you (if you're tired of Bradbury reviews, that is) this is one of the former.

This time, it's From the Dust Returned. This is a fix-up novel that has been in the making since 1946. In fact, it started as a few short stories, but now it is finished (well, finished ten years ago...) as a "novel".

Because of its history, it doesn't fit together structurally as cohesively as, say, Something Wicked This Way Comes did. That is not to say, however, that it is a bad book. It's simply not a convenional novel. To be sure, it has an overarching storyline, just separated into short stories and shorter, connecting, chapters.

The Secret of Lost in Space

Here is a short, fun post. Don't take it too seriously.

Unless you want to, of course.

I have recently made a major discovery:

Something Wicked This Way Comes Continuity

SPOILERS and stuff...

First of all, I've since learned that The Illustrated Man has had several editions, some including a couple of stories from The Martian Chronicles. That's gonna be difficult to work into the timeline...

Now I will demonstrate why I think Something Wicked This Way Comes is in the same timeline as The Illustrated Man.

Something Wicked This Way Comes--The Disney Movie?

WARNING: SPOILERS

I find it amazing that Disney of all companies is the one that chose to make a movie of Something Wicked This Way Comes. Let me remind you--a book that inspired Steven King!

So, is it a good adaptation? Well, there are some good things and some bad things.

Let's start with the good, shall we?

First of all, I'd like to say I thought Jonathan Pryce was a great choice for Mr. Dark. He was as calm and gentlemanly yet menacing as he should be. Jason Robards did well as Charles Halloway. I especially liked the confrontation in the library.

Something Wicked This Way Comes Review

Today I will be reviewing Something Wicked This Way Comes. This is a very beloved book and is even said to have inspired Steven King. Whatever.

So, is it as good as everyone seems to think?

Um...

The Illustrated Man Part 2: Timeline and Continuity (WARNING: Spoilers for a 60-year-old Book!)

It is time to try to fit the stories of  The Illustrated Man into a single timeline, if it can be done.

Now, given that the Illustrated Man has tattoos over his body, given by a crazy woman from the future, this implies that the stories in the book are all on the same timeline. Of course, "crazy woman from the future" could explain any and all continuity discrepencies, but where's the fun in that?

It's much more fun to invent convoluted theories to explain things, even when it's easier just to ignore the issues that don't really much matter in the first place. In fact, I myself have developed the most insane, convoluted, completely unnecessary theory that's even bigger than the Tommy Westphall Universe Hypothesis. But that can wait for another time. Here is the timeline:

The Illustrated Man Part 1: Review

            The The Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury will be an interesting place to start. This book is full of short stories surrounded by a frame story involving the titular character.

The book begins when the unnamed narrator first meets the Illustrated Man. They are both on their own journeys and, since they’ve met in the same place, decide to keep each other company for the night. The Illustrated Man removes his shirt to reveal tattoos covering his whole body. He says he can feel them moving.

Introduction

Hello earthlings! Welcome to Continuity Glue.

Sorry about the logo; I got a little carried away and glue got everywhere. Anyway…

So what is this blog and who am I?