My sister's dead.
She had her throat slashed in her kitchen.
With a box cutter.
I'm trembling right now.
Did I unknowingly carry out one of my worst fears?
I haven't seen the shadows today, and my intrusive thoughts have been mostly at ease all day.
I'm numb.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
The Shadow People are Angrier than Usual
I saw a door again today. Two, actually.
At work I saw one standing near the back of the children's section. I hope none of the little ones went through. No one else seemed to notice it.
Then, this afternoon, after I got home, I was heading to the shower when I noticed that the bathroom door didn't look right.
I saw dark patches on the walls fleeing away from it again and realized it looked like the door from work, and the one that appeared in my living room.
The screaming in my head became painful once again, but I wanted to know what was going on, so I forced myself through the agony. I nearly died, or at least it felt like it. My head is still throbbing.
I grabbed the doorknob and turned. Inside, I saw a large city. But there were no people. There were no sounds of daily life. As I watched, it just felt...wrong.
I felt myself drawn to it; I knew I had to keep away, that these doors were something terrible. But I moved toward the doorway anyway.
I almost stepped through.
Next thing I knew I was waking up in my bed. I must have blacked out. Did the shadows take me to bed?
They are so upset with me now. All I hear is constant yelling in my head. I want it to stop, I just want it to go away. But it won't. I keep hearing the sounds of things breaking all through the house.
I think they might go through with one of their threats this time.
At work I saw one standing near the back of the children's section. I hope none of the little ones went through. No one else seemed to notice it.
Then, this afternoon, after I got home, I was heading to the shower when I noticed that the bathroom door didn't look right.
I saw dark patches on the walls fleeing away from it again and realized it looked like the door from work, and the one that appeared in my living room.
The screaming in my head became painful once again, but I wanted to know what was going on, so I forced myself through the agony. I nearly died, or at least it felt like it. My head is still throbbing.
I grabbed the doorknob and turned. Inside, I saw a large city. But there were no people. There were no sounds of daily life. As I watched, it just felt...wrong.
I felt myself drawn to it; I knew I had to keep away, that these doors were something terrible. But I moved toward the doorway anyway.
I almost stepped through.
Next thing I knew I was waking up in my bed. I must have blacked out. Did the shadows take me to bed?
They are so upset with me now. All I hear is constant yelling in my head. I want it to stop, I just want it to go away. But it won't. I keep hearing the sounds of things breaking all through the house.
I think they might go through with one of their threats this time.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Ontological
I found something interesting. Or rather, it found me.
It's a blog called Ontological. For some reason it was set as my home page. More shadow shenanigans, I suspect. According to this blog, someone is inside a house with no doors or windows, and there seems to be strange activity. I'm not finished going through it yet, but what I've found is very intriguing.
The author found another blog about a mysterious door appearing (sound familiar?) and people going through, only to be lost forever. He concludes he's in the doorless house so that he will know when one of these doors appears. There's also something about a city.
He also mentions seeing shadows moving on his walls.
Could it be I'm not alone? I'm not mad?
It's a blog called Ontological. For some reason it was set as my home page. More shadow shenanigans, I suspect. According to this blog, someone is inside a house with no doors or windows, and there seems to be strange activity. I'm not finished going through it yet, but what I've found is very intriguing.
The author found another blog about a mysterious door appearing (sound familiar?) and people going through, only to be lost forever. He concludes he's in the doorless house so that he will know when one of these doors appears. There's also something about a city.
He also mentions seeing shadows moving on his walls.
Could it be I'm not alone? I'm not mad?
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Do I have Everything Wrong?
I just realized that today is March 25.
25.
THEY ARE COMING posted at 2:05 AM
THEY ARE COMING posted at 2:05 AM (25th post) "They are coming / when opportunity knocks / don't answer / they are coming"
The door appeared around 1:25.
Could it be that the shadows were trying to warn me about that door? Does "they" mean more doors are going to appear?
Are the shadows, dare I say it, benevolent? If so, they have a strange way of going about it.
Oh, God. What have I gotten myself into? No, what have THEY gotten me into?
25.
THEY ARE COMING posted at 2:05 AM
THEY ARE COMING posted at 2:05 AM (25th post) "They are coming / when opportunity knocks / don't answer / they are coming"
The door appeared around 1:25.
Could it be that the shadows were trying to warn me about that door? Does "they" mean more doors are going to appear?
Are the shadows, dare I say it, benevolent? If so, they have a strange way of going about it.
Oh, God. What have I gotten myself into? No, what have THEY gotten me into?
what in heaven's name is going on?
Just now I could have sworn I saw a door appear right in the middle of the living room. It was a normal door. Just sitting there, connected to nothing. I approached it hesitantly, but I saw shadows scattering away from it for some reason.
As I drew closer, there was intense screaming in my head. It got so bad, that I had to stop and back away from the door.
After a few minutes, it just disappeared.
Either something big is happening or I am completely losing my mind.
I wish I wasn't alone.
As I drew closer, there was intense screaming in my head. It got so bad, that I had to stop and back away from the door.
After a few minutes, it just disappeared.
Either something big is happening or I am completely losing my mind.
I wish I wasn't alone.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
More research
Even though I technically haven't stopped work yet, I've decided to start doing some more research anyway.
I'll tell you if I find anything interesting.
I'll tell you if I find anything interesting.
An ending (and a new beginning?)
I've had to quit work. I put in a two weeks notice yesterday.
I work at a bookstore, unpacking new shipments and stocking shelves.
The problem is, my sister started working there as well in the last week. This agravated my intrusive thought problem. I kept thinking every time I saw her that I might just up and decide to slice her throat with a box cutter. Or that I would run her over in the parking lot with one of the delivery trucks. Or shove a bookcase onto her.
I would never do any of these things, of course, but I would still worry. What if this happened? What if that happened? What if this situation automatically leads to this result? Etc. etc. etc.
On top of it all, I thought I started seeing shadows moving on the walls of the store. I tried to tell my boss, but she told me I just needed a break from all this stress.
It became too much, so I've had to quit. More time to research what's going on, perhaps?
I work at a bookstore, unpacking new shipments and stocking shelves.
The problem is, my sister started working there as well in the last week. This agravated my intrusive thought problem. I kept thinking every time I saw her that I might just up and decide to slice her throat with a box cutter. Or that I would run her over in the parking lot with one of the delivery trucks. Or shove a bookcase onto her.
I would never do any of these things, of course, but I would still worry. What if this happened? What if that happened? What if this situation automatically leads to this result? Etc. etc. etc.
On top of it all, I thought I started seeing shadows moving on the walls of the store. I tried to tell my boss, but she told me I just needed a break from all this stress.
It became too much, so I've had to quit. More time to research what's going on, perhaps?
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Another Oddity
When I got home, all my books were intact and sitting in the same stacks as they were originally. Am I imagining things?
I am so stupid
How could I be so foolish? In the post "I'm starting to freak out," I tried to warn people not to give away any more secret messages. In the process, I gave myself away. I am so stupid!
They know what I did, that I embedded hidden text in the HTML code of a couple of posts.
To show they know, they even did it themselves with a new THEY ARE COMING post! They said, "We are the darkness / they are coming / when opportunity knocks / don't answer / they are coming." Anyone know what that might mean?
I also noticed that both posts from them were posted at 2:05 in the morning, central time. The second one is the 25th post on the blog. What's with the shadows and the numbers 2 and 5?
In any case, they are certainly angry. When I woke up this morning, paper was strewn all over the floor. Pages from all of my books. Excepting (of course?) the Lovecraft volume. They even left me a message taped to the fridge, made of different letters and words from different books. Looked kind of like a ransom note, the kind you see in movies. It said, "This is what we will do to you next if you disobey again."
I wonder why they won't talk to me like they did that first time. Well, it wasn't really talking, more like a transfer of ideas inside my head, but still. They can communicate that way. I wonder why they don't anymore.
I checked and they didn't take my spleen like they said they would. I'm beginning to think they're just throwing around empty threats. Maybe these things aren't so powerful after all. Well, if they're all in my head, of course they're not powerful. But I'm sure I'm not hallucinating. Then again, if I were, I wouldn't know it, would I?
They know what I did, that I embedded hidden text in the HTML code of a couple of posts.
To show they know, they even did it themselves with a new THEY ARE COMING post! They said, "We are the darkness / they are coming / when opportunity knocks / don't answer / they are coming." Anyone know what that might mean?
I also noticed that both posts from them were posted at 2:05 in the morning, central time. The second one is the 25th post on the blog. What's with the shadows and the numbers 2 and 5?
In any case, they are certainly angry. When I woke up this morning, paper was strewn all over the floor. Pages from all of my books. Excepting (of course?) the Lovecraft volume. They even left me a message taped to the fridge, made of different letters and words from different books. Looked kind of like a ransom note, the kind you see in movies. It said, "This is what we will do to you next if you disobey again."
I wonder why they won't talk to me like they did that first time. Well, it wasn't really talking, more like a transfer of ideas inside my head, but still. They can communicate that way. I wonder why they don't anymore.
I checked and they didn't take my spleen like they said they would. I'm beginning to think they're just throwing around empty threats. Maybe these things aren't so powerful after all. Well, if they're all in my head, of course they're not powerful. But I'm sure I'm not hallucinating. Then again, if I were, I wouldn't know it, would I?
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Reading and other strange occurrences
So I read several of Lovecraft's stories today. I enjoyed them. I don't know why I never read them before now. They were pretty creative, even if written a bit oddly with tons of adjectives. They might have been a little frightening if I didn't have real troubles.
Good thing those creatures in the stories aren't real. Then again, the shadow people are real. I think. I'm not sure anymore. I don't remember moving things around, but if I'm hallucinating... I mean, maybe I have multiple personality disorder or something.
Moving shadows just CAN'T be real, can they!?
WHAT DO THEY WANT!?!? Why LOVECRAFT!? I don't understand what they want from me. I'm getting fed up.
Anyway, this afternoon I was taking a break from reading and as I flipped channels, I came across one that was just a bunch of static. The thing is, just before going to the next channel, I could have sworn I heard voices. It was pretty weird, but the station probably had a bad signal or something. I don't know. For some reason that stood out to me. Probably nothing.
Whatever show that was seemed weird, though. For a second, I thought I saw a puppet with an eyepatch, and a voice said, "...INSIDE!" Must be some weird children's show.
Oh, and Shadow People, if you're reading this, can you please tell me if you're the ones who posted THEY ARE COMING? And if you are, can you explain what that's referring to?
I'm probably being stupid.
Good thing those creatures in the stories aren't real. Then again, the shadow people are real. I think. I'm not sure anymore. I don't remember moving things around, but if I'm hallucinating... I mean, maybe I have multiple personality disorder or something.
Moving shadows just CAN'T be real, can they!?
WHAT DO THEY WANT!?!? Why LOVECRAFT!? I don't understand what they want from me. I'm getting fed up.
Anyway, this afternoon I was taking a break from reading and as I flipped channels, I came across one that was just a bunch of static. The thing is, just before going to the next channel, I could have sworn I heard voices. It was pretty weird, but the station probably had a bad signal or something. I don't know. For some reason that stood out to me. Probably nothing.
Whatever show that was seemed weird, though. For a second, I thought I saw a puppet with an eyepatch, and a voice said, "...INSIDE!" Must be some weird children's show.
Oh, and Shadow People, if you're reading this, can you please tell me if you're the ones who posted THEY ARE COMING? And if you are, can you explain what that's referring to?
I'm probably being stupid.
I'm starting to freak out
I mean, it was one thing when they whispered in my head, telling me things that weren't true, and me, knowing this, listening anyway, against my will. I could cope. I could try to ignore them, or let the fear do its work and leave. But now, they are starting to PHYSICALLY MOVE OBJECTS.
I mentioned my books before. How they were arranged differently. And how the H.P. Lovecraft book was on top of a stack.
I now think I was meant to notice the Lovecraft volume.
This morning, when I got out of bed, IT WAS NEXT TO MY LAPTOP ON MY DESK.
Last night, it was in the living room. It certainly didn't move itself.
I think the shadows might want me to read it. I don't know why.
Then there's the fact that there's a strange post from the middle of the night that I didn't write. "They are coming." Wonder what it could mean? Did the shadow people do it? Did somone hack the account? I am so confused.
Oh, there's something else, too. I forgot to mention it yesterday. I got a comment from someone named DJay32 on the post "An Explanation". He worked out the secret message (I suppose it was kind of obvious...) and posted the result. I really hope he doesn't do that for certain other posts. The shadows might learn of things they will not like. Then again, I do view every comment before it is posted, so I could stop any incriminating comments there and save myself the trouble. I only published this comment because the shadows already found out.
Anyway, I called in sick today. I will read some Lovecraft. Hopefully some sense will come of this.
I mentioned my books before. How they were arranged differently. And how the H.P. Lovecraft book was on top of a stack.
I now think I was meant to notice the Lovecraft volume.
This morning, when I got out of bed, IT WAS NEXT TO MY LAPTOP ON MY DESK.
Last night, it was in the living room. It certainly didn't move itself.
I think the shadows might want me to read it. I don't know why.
Then there's the fact that there's a strange post from the middle of the night that I didn't write. "They are coming." Wonder what it could mean? Did the shadow people do it? Did somone hack the account? I am so confused.
Oh, there's something else, too. I forgot to mention it yesterday. I got a comment from someone named DJay32 on the post "An Explanation". He worked out the secret message (I suppose it was kind of obvious...) and posted the result. I really hope he doesn't do that for certain other posts. The shadows might learn of things they will not like. Then again, I do view every comment before it is posted, so I could stop any incriminating comments there and save myself the trouble. I only published this comment because the shadows already found out.
Anyway, I called in sick today. I will read some Lovecraft. Hopefully some sense will come of this.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Fruits of my Labor
Well, I've been doing some research on my predicament, and have discovered a phenomenon known as "Shadow People". Apparently people sometimes think they see shadows moving of their own accord out of the corner of their eye. So it may be that many people, maybe even all of us, are surrounded by these things. All the time.
What do they want from me!?!?!?!?
If they let everyone else be, why have they singled ME out!?
I just want to go about my life.
What do they want from me!?!?!?!?
If they let everyone else be, why have they singled ME out!?
I just want to go about my life.
Oh no
I think the shadows might be agitated. My books...are different. You see, my sister moved into a new apartment recently, and took my bookcase, which was actually hers anyway. Well, without a place to put my books, I've stacked them in various places around my house.
Just now, coming home from work, I noticed that they were in a different arrangement. It's not like I memorized where all the books are, but I do know that my complete volume of H.P. Lovecraft's fiction was on the bottom of one stack, but now it's on top of another. The heights of some of the stacks also seem changed, as though the books have been moved around.
I don't know what they want me for, but I wish they would leave me alone. I feel like I'm going insane.
Just now, coming home from work, I noticed that they were in a different arrangement. It's not like I memorized where all the books are, but I do know that my complete volume of H.P. Lovecraft's fiction was on the bottom of one stack, but now it's on top of another. The heights of some of the stacks also seem changed, as though the books have been moved around.
I don't know what they want me for, but I wish they would leave me alone. I feel like I'm going insane.
HTML 888
I've decided to do some research to try and figure out what's going on. I'll get back to you if I find anything interesting.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
An Explanation
I've finally decided to explain myself. Even though no one reads this and no one would believe it anyway. But I need to tell someone.
I have always had OCD for as long as I can remember. I always had anxiety with all sorts of things. A need to be perfect in schoolwork, worrying about saying the wrong things, the feeling that I absolutely had to remember everything important. It was hard. Over time, I also developed certain rituals. One of the most common in OCD sufferers is frequent handwashing.
In the last few years, it's been getting worse. I'm worried more and more about germs...
But that is nothing compared to the thoughts. The intrusive thoughts, as they are known, are thoughts of terrible things that stem from OCD. These obsessions don't have a compulsion to go with them. That is, there is nothing I can do to relieve the anxiety stemming from them.
They are unbearable.
They can be of many different things in many people. In me, I'm afraid of intentionally hurting those I love. I know there's no way I would ever do this, but whenever there's a trigger (there are oh so many triggers) it's like a voice is telling me that this will happen, that it's inevitable. That when I'm near them, I will do it.
I know it's nonsense; OCD sufferers generally are aware of how irrational these thoughts are. But they won't stop.
As I said, it's been getting worse. It seems almost anything can get me worrying these days. When I'm anxious enough, I sweat a lot. Given my thoughts, it seems good that I live alone.
I have, in the last few months, discovered the cause of all this. Don't laugh.
It's the shadows. I know, because they told me.
One evening I was reading a book (Frank Herbert's Dune, to be exact, to compare with Star Wars) and motion caught my eye. I looked up but didn't see anything. I thoght I'd imagined it.
When I went into the bathroom, in the dim light I saw my shadow apparently moving independently of me. This, of course, disturbed me. I told myself it was a trick of the light.
That's when two very visible eyes appeared, like points of light. I knew then that I was hallucinating, even though my family had nothing of the sort in its history, nor had I ever taken any illegal substances.
When I was washing my hands, this time, among the urges to wash multiple times and to be extremely thorough, I sensed something else--something new.
"You have seen us," a voice said in the back of my head. "Because we have willed it."
I froze, certain I was losing my grip on reality.
"You are perfectly sane. But you might not be for long."
I heard...I want to say a laugh, but not quite (being inaudible for one thing) and far more terrifying.
"All your life you have tended toward circumstances conducive to us. Now that we have found you, we are using this condition to mold you into the role we desire."
I fled back to my bedroom.
"You cannot escape us. In the light, we are visible, and always present. In the darkness, that is our delight."
I turned on all the lights in the house.
"This is futile," said the voice. "You seeing us will not stop us. Even when you don't notice us, we will be whispering in the dark. Whispering in the deep crevices of your mind. Shaping you against your will. If you attempt to disobey us, we will be forced to...put you in order."
I'm not sure why, but that last phrase is the worst thing ever said to me.
I have since resigned myself to them. They are actually quite amiable when you behave.
I must go now. I may continue this blog in the future, but I have things to do.
I have always had OCD for as long as I can remember. I always had anxiety with all sorts of things. A need to be perfect in schoolwork, worrying about saying the wrong things, the feeling that I absolutely had to remember everything important. It was hard. Over time, I also developed certain rituals. One of the most common in OCD sufferers is frequent handwashing.
In the last few years, it's been getting worse. I'm worried more and more about germs...
But that is nothing compared to the thoughts. The intrusive thoughts, as they are known, are thoughts of terrible things that stem from OCD. These obsessions don't have a compulsion to go with them. That is, there is nothing I can do to relieve the anxiety stemming from them.
They are unbearable.
They can be of many different things in many people. In me, I'm afraid of intentionally hurting those I love. I know there's no way I would ever do this, but whenever there's a trigger (there are oh so many triggers) it's like a voice is telling me that this will happen, that it's inevitable. That when I'm near them, I will do it.
I know it's nonsense; OCD sufferers generally are aware of how irrational these thoughts are. But they won't stop.
As I said, it's been getting worse. It seems almost anything can get me worrying these days. When I'm anxious enough, I sweat a lot. Given my thoughts, it seems good that I live alone.
I have, in the last few months, discovered the cause of all this. Don't laugh.
It's the shadows. I know, because they told me.
One evening I was reading a book (Frank Herbert's Dune, to be exact, to compare with Star Wars) and motion caught my eye. I looked up but didn't see anything. I thoght I'd imagined it.
When I went into the bathroom, in the dim light I saw my shadow apparently moving independently of me. This, of course, disturbed me. I told myself it was a trick of the light.
That's when two very visible eyes appeared, like points of light. I knew then that I was hallucinating, even though my family had nothing of the sort in its history, nor had I ever taken any illegal substances.
When I was washing my hands, this time, among the urges to wash multiple times and to be extremely thorough, I sensed something else--something new.
"You have seen us," a voice said in the back of my head. "Because we have willed it."
I froze, certain I was losing my grip on reality.
"You are perfectly sane. But you might not be for long."
I heard...I want to say a laugh, but not quite (being inaudible for one thing) and far more terrifying.
"All your life you have tended toward circumstances conducive to us. Now that we have found you, we are using this condition to mold you into the role we desire."
I fled back to my bedroom.
"You cannot escape us. In the light, we are visible, and always present. In the darkness, that is our delight."
I turned on all the lights in the house.
"This is futile," said the voice. "You seeing us will not stop us. Even when you don't notice us, we will be whispering in the dark. Whispering in the deep crevices of your mind. Shaping you against your will. If you attempt to disobey us, we will be forced to...put you in order."
I'm not sure why, but that last phrase is the worst thing ever said to me.
I have since resigned myself to them. They are actually quite amiable when you behave.
I must go now. I may continue this blog in the future, but I have things to do.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Gone for a couple months
I'm sorry that I've been gone for a couple months now, in case anyone reads this.
Things...have happened. My heart's just not in it anymore.
I suppose I should explain a few things that I left hanging. My Ray Bradbury reviews were going to culminate in all or almost all of his stories in the same fictional universe. My Star Wars reviews were going to culminate in a theory about Yoda being behind everything, on account of him being at the start of the succession of questionable Jedi training. My joke about the Doctor's true name was that it was Francis.
That's it for now, I guess. The shadows....
I'll explain that another time, when I'm ready.
Things...have happened. My heart's just not in it anymore.
I suppose I should explain a few things that I left hanging. My Ray Bradbury reviews were going to culminate in all or almost all of his stories in the same fictional universe. My Star Wars reviews were going to culminate in a theory about Yoda being behind everything, on account of him being at the start of the succession of questionable Jedi training. My joke about the Doctor's true name was that it was Francis.
That's it for now, I guess. The shadows....
I'll explain that another time, when I'm ready.
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