Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones

                On to Episode II. Should I really be linking to the Amazon page here? Does it offend anybody? Just curious.

                So the title crawl says that thousands of systems are leaving the Republic. Why? What do they want? What is their reason for leaving? Anyway, the Senate must vote on the critical issue of creating an ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC. Yeah, it’s capitalized just like that for some reason. Nothing else in the text is emphasized in that way. In fact, none of the other crawls in the other films does that except A New Hope (DEATH STAR) and ROTJ (GALACTIC EMPIRE). Those are two-word names for important pieces of the story while this is four words (including two unimportant ones). If George had simply done a rewrite to be more consistent and not, well, weird, it could have read REPUBLIC ARMY. Leaving it the way it is just seems bizarre and out of place.

                Amidala is on her way back to the Senate to vote on the ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC. We open on another boring shot of ships lazily drifting toward their destinations. The sky is very foggy, oddly enough. You’d think if they can literally turn a whole planet into a giant city, they’d also be able to control the weather. We’ve seen extremely advanced technology, but they don’t seem to be able to do this one simple thing. How many accidents are there on such foggy days?

Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace

                And so it begins.

   >Deep Breath<

   *Siiiiiiiiiiiggggghhh*

                So, the title crawl:

   War! Oh, sorry. Wrong one.

                Okay, okay. I’ll stop procrastinating, but can you really blame me? You can? Well, I don’t care what you think.

                According to the title crawl, there is trouble in the Republic on account of taxation of trade routes. People apparently hate it. So, the Trade Federation acts calmly and rationally about it and—blockades the planet of Naboo with deadly battleships!?

 

                Well, the Federation IS run by aliens; I’m sure the humans will act much more reasonably.

Star Wars: Introduction

               I hereby start my long review saga. It will cover all six Star Wars films. Why include the original trilogy? Because, for one thing, no movie is perfect, and also for completion’s sake. And to complain just like everyone else about the CGI additions.

                I wish George Lucas were CGI.

Star Wars Project Update

Although clearly no one is reading this blog yet, or even cares to comment if they do happen to run across it, I will explain why the Star Wars Project, which I've randomly decided to call it just now and only for this post, never to be mentioned as such again, has not yet begun.

Quite simply, I don't have Episodes I or II. Since I intend to do this in internal chronological order of the films, I have to wait until I get a chance to go to the library or Blockbuster (so what if I'm behind the times--deal with it!).

In the meantime, I have been, in my spare time (I go to college, too: yes, a fictional cosmic being with the power to repair whole multiverses of timelines is going to school--meta humor and all that), reading Blogger Beware.

As if you didn't already know, Blogger Beware is a blog reflecting on the popular Goosebumps children's horror books of the 90s. Now, I never read them as a child (obligatory TV Tropes reference) but am finding them amusingly stupid. As the author of the blog said in his Let's Get Invisible post, R.L. Stine seems to be the Tommy Wiseau of children's literature.

And we all know how hilariously amusing he is...

Anyway, HORROR!!!!! Yay!!!

A Change in Format

Starting with the upcoming Star Wars reviews, I will be changing how I review material. Up till now I've been giving basic, traditional reviews about what was good or bad about the work. But in order to establish certain elements that will factor into my theory about the continuity inconsistencies and the unexplained bits of the prequels, I will be moving to the recap format, popular among many video reviewers, as well as text-based ones.

Now I will be going through a run-down of plot and characters and continuity as I summarize each film or book or whatever. That way, it will give readers who aren't familiar with the works more context for my continuity entries, and it will remind those who are of certain elements important to my theories.

That is all for now.